Transgender Awareness Week takes place yearly from November 13-19, preceding Transgender Day of Remembrance on November 20. TDOR is an annual day of observance that honors the memory of the transgender people whose lives were lost in acts of anti-transgender violence. At Pornhub, we recognize the transgender Models that make our community the diverse and rich space it is.
Joining us again is mental health counsellor Rachael “Rainier” Wells from Pineapple Support with tips for trans performers, sex workers and allies regardless of gender.
Top 3 tips for promoting self-esteem, confidence and empowerment?
1. Understand that “passing” is an inherently harmful concept created by then non-trans community. Although gender presentation is a part of life, please know you are valued and valuable as a femme trans man, butch trans woman, non-binary person not seeking surgery, and the multitudes in between.
2. Draw upon your inner resilience. Existing as a marginalized person is enough. It is okay to exist as yourself across all days and times and not always be “productive” in the eyes of systemic wants.
3. Utilize self-compassion techniques. These techniques and practices promote a sense of “optimistic neutrality” towards oneself that helps bridge a gap to higher self-love.
Top 3 tips for online and IRL safety?
1. Know your state laws. Many states have public records information that can include your assigned name, address, phone number, and more. If you vote, many states have this information out there. Consider using a mail ballot to an alternate address and always consider removing yourself from people search engines.
2. Know your rights. If you are a survivor of recent violence (most states validate sexual violence, human trafficking, and domestic violence as categories) you may be eligible for relocation funds and address confidentiality programs. Contact your nearest domestic violence agency and/or rape crisis center. Additionally, there are injunctions for the above, many also include dating violence, stalking, and repeat violence.
3. Keep an eye out. Be mindful of your settings on all social media platforms. Check what you have linked to ensure there are no linkages to personal profiles, anything that could route back to your assigned or chosen name, or family. Additionally, ensure you check tagged photos, locations, and even settings on your phone. Pictures and videos can be misused beyond general scamming and can even be involved in doxxing.
Top 3 tips for building or finding community?
1. Identify your hobbies or interests. Once you’ve done so, no matter if it’s one hobby or many, use sites like Facebook, MeetUp, Hiki, etc. to attend events related to your hobbies. Mutual interests promote stronger foundations in long-term friendships and relationships. Yes, it’s okay to go alone, as long as you feel safe to do so and have someone who knows where you are. Be safe, but do it afraid!
2. Reach out to content creators or humans you find relatable, compassionate, or interesting and reach out letting them know what you admire about them. Yes, it can feel awkward, and we can come up with a lot of “what ifs” to stop ourselves. Many times you’ll find it is extremely welcomed and connections begin there.
3. Drop the competitiveness. Many times when we are trans in the adult industry, we don’t want to step on toes, and we may have some “competition.” People are people. Yes, some individuals will not be open to forming a community, but there are many more who will. It starts with one contact to begin building a potential community who understands you. Be the change.
Top 3 points to differentiate appreciation from fetishization?
1. Know the relationship between idealization, AKA fetishization, and devaluation. If you feel like someone only roots for you when you perform or act in a way that works for them, that is a red flag.
2. Listen to your gut. If you constantly get a feeling you are being fetishized or compartmentalized by someone, listen to it. Many times, due to how we were raised and generational impact or trauma, we make excuses or over-empathize with someone doing wrong since we didn’t get compassion from others; now, we over-extend it. Protect your space and strengthen your intuition by listening to it again.
3. Ask others in your community if your experience sounds like fetishization or appreciation. Perspective helps. Approaching trusted colleagues and friends can allow for venting, processing, and a determination on what’s happening; if nothing else, go back to tip 2!
Top 3 tips for young adults transitioning?
1. Find other folks your age. Young adults are extremely intelligent and resourced; you never know who has an excellent connection or recommendation for an endocrinologist, therapist, surgeon, or low-cost/free transitional support items.
2. Own it and reject put-downs. Many older adults who question young adults transitioning or individuals who knew they were trans early on are projecting their own lack of self-awareness about their own experiences. You are valid NO MATTER where you are on your journey; no matter if you don’t transition at all, socially transition and stop, you medically transition hormonally and decline surgery, or if you do a little bit of everything.
3. Realize that only you know yourself better than anyone else. Challenge gaslighting thoughts and those that question if you’re “trans enough,” – that’s not you speaking, it’s society, people from the past, and old styles of thinking.
Top 3 tips for older adults transitioning for the first time?
1. Reject stigma, as much as possible. Society is often unkind towards those who transition late as they use that as a talking point to silence individuals or prove a political point. Know that this comes from hate, ignorance, and misplaced feelings. Do your best to limit hearing from these types of individuals or sources.
2. Find appropriate care and those who specialize in working with trans community elders. As bodies change, have pre-existing conditions, or have different needs, a competent, caring specialist can be the person to validate you and provide safe access to care.
3. Listen to stories of other trans community elders, connect with them, and reach out. There’s nothing like hearing a story that reminds you of yourself from someone you admire to boost confidence and hope.
Top 3 tips for transgender people thinking of or beginning sex work?
1. Be aware of the market. Investigate websites you are interested in working with or being hosted on. Know how they approach, label, and categorize their trans workers and find what you are comfortable with. Market yourself only in a way you can accept long-term. Some people can “play the game” and use specific terms others may choose to decline in their work, while others work with different content producers that have different perspectives.
2. Know your safety needs and set them up accordingly. As mentioned above, there are steps to take to create safety online and in-person. Additionally, different platforms have unique ways to access support.
3. Check your gut and needs regarding fetishization. This does happen in sex work and you will undoubtedly face it. Set boundaries early about how you will be spoken to; don’t be afraid to use the mute/block buttons to promote your safety; losing out on some cash up front will make you more in the future once your audience knows who you are, what you’re about, and what you expect.
Top 3 ways transgender people can maximize the benefits of Pineapple Support and therapy in general?
1. Make it work for you. If you get the sense that someone you’re working with is not a good fit, regardless of being a good person, it is okay to seek assistance to change providers. It is normal in the world of mental health and ethical therapists will assist you in doing so or understand, regardless.
2. Maximize your support by adding in peer support groups (in-person or telehealth), hobby groups, daily or weekly exercise, and engaging in something that brings you true joy.
3. Be honest. If you are concerned about someone’s level of education, their specialities, what type of modalities they use, changing meeting times, goals/focus, concerns of discussing suicide, or any fears: discuss them upfront. Therapy will not provide benefit without major barriers removed, or at the very least, lessened.
Top 3 mental health tips for any sex worker regardless of gender?
1. Learn to build a relationship with mindfulness. There’s no right way to meditate, be, or exist, but mindfulness and presence are crucial in not allowing thoughts to go down rabbit holes, run rampant, or control our life. It helps with impulse control, PTSD, anxiety, depression, and pretty much everything. This isn’t to say it’s magic, but it’ll give you tools that give you more space in your mind.
2. Look at your friend group. If you feel your friend group is using you, not challenging you to do better, or a “misery loves company” style situation, it may be time to create space. Therapy and peer support can assist you in how to set boundaries and open yourself to more and better.
3. Know that thoughts that are unkind, intrusive, unhelpful are NOT from you. First, we have something in our brain called the “default mode network,” who is primed to be negative. Secondly, many of us come from intergenerational trauma, dysfunction, or the pervasiveness of negativity in society. No one is born disliking themselves. Recognize thoughts/feelings versus your true core self.
How can allies show genuine support?
1. Share resources. Share from trans voices, especially trans women of color, on their support needs, legislation affecting the community, and actions.
2. Don’t let transphobia or transmisogyny/misogynoir slide. If you hear misgendering, othering, or ignorance, please speak up and call in if it is safe. Many times if a trans individual corrects pronouns or calls out ignorance, they are further marginalized. Change happens when allies take action.
3. Donate time or money. Many times, due to systemic injustice, trans folks, especially transfeminine folks are left unhoused, uninsured, or abused by the systems that be. Consider offering emotional support, respite space, safety, or an investment in a healthy life for the community. Find grassroots organizations local or national that serve the trans community and attends to intersectional needs.
BIO
Rachael “Rainier” is an empathetic, driven, passionate individual and leader who provides high quality, person-centered therapy from acceptance and commitment therapy, EMDR, Brainspotting, mindfulness, self-compassion, internal family systems, and strengths-based models. Rachael “Rainier” is a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC) in the state of Florida and holds the title of EMDR certified therapist and consultant-in-training. Rachael “Rainier” is also a registered yoga teacher (RYT-200) and a qualified supervisor.
Rachael “Rainier” works with populations that include people dealing with domestic violence, sexual abuse, impulse control issues, those with borderline personality disorder, the sex worker community, and the transgender community. Their specific specialty is trauma within marginalized communities.
We'd like to remind our Models and users alike that they are never alone in this community. We have formed partnerships with recourses like Pineapple Support, a free to use therapy center for all members of the sex work community. We encourage you to contact Pineapple Support and speak to qualified members like Rachael “Rainier” if you are experiencing feelings of uncertainty. You can also find recourses on wellness for all genders and body types at our Sexual Wellness Center. While we use this opportunity to shed light on and reflect on the experiences of gender non-conforming performers, it is equally important to celebrate the power, courage, and resilience of the trans community, today and everyday.
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